How to handle the questions we hate

Has this ever happened to you…..?

You are running a course, everything is bounding along very smoothly, you get to a point and ask “Has anyone got any questions?” ……….. and you get one.

Its so “left field” that for a moment you are frozen.

For example (and this did happen to me once)  “Why are you asking us to figure this out, you obviously know the right answer so why don’t you just tell us?”

The way we handle these kinds of questions depends almost entirely on our beliefs around why we think people ask them. A few years ago a very experience facilitator told me that there are only 3 reasons why people ask questions:

1. They want to make you look silly
2. They want to make themselves look smart
3. They want to know the answer

For a long time I believed that this was the case and based my responses on these beliefs. There is a problem though. Beliefs 1 and 2 require me to make a judgment on the individual that I am not entitled to make. I have no way of knowing which of these two drivers are actually behind the question. Consequently I only have a 50% chance of getting it right and I don’t believe that they are very good odds in the training environment leave alone anywhere else.

However, my research into NLP in the training environment has led me to change my thinking somewhat. It starts with a basic NLP premise:

Behind every action there is a positive intention (for them)

So, no matter what the question, how “off centre” it seems to be to me, I look for the positive that this person is getting by asking this question at this time. AND if I can’t figure it out, I ask them this (in the most respectful and congruent way possible):

“That’s a really interesting question. Do you mind if I ask you why you’ve asked it?”

We are not trying to catch people out or to embarrass themselves but we do have a responsibility for the rest of the group’s learning so asking this question places the emphasis on the individual to explore (and if they choose to, to reveal)  their motivation for asking the question.

I can then decide whether the answer will add to the group’s learning or whether this needs to be dealt with 1-1.

I then have some strategies for dealing with it.

• Ask the group what they think the answer is
• Ask the individual
• Make a note of it and make the commitment to come back to it later
• Speak with the individual 1-1 during a break.

Whichever strategy I choose, I can employ it without having to be judgmental about the motives of the individual concerned. I can respect their right to seek their outcome whilst retaining my rights to maintain momentum in the training room and ensure all my learners are getting their outcomes without being deflected by what could potentially be an individuals “hidden” agenda.

So… what questions do you hate to get? What strategies have you developed to deal with them?

Share them with us by posting a comment and let’s see what fabulous ideas we can develop.

Paul and Ally are working on an exciting 6-part (online) course to help your learners fully engage with your training - sign up for the 'early bird' list for advanced notification and more info

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