We hear a a fair bit about being congruent when delivering training and I have struggled at times to truly understand what that means.
Recently I was watching a TV “reality show” involving Amanda Holden (to be fair she was the reason I was watching it….) and a very famous country and western singer ( see – the reason I was watching the programme)
He made an interesting comment which got me thinking:
I am three different people. I am the person you think I am; I am the person I choose to be with you and I am the person I really am
I found this quite interesting because for a long time I have thought that the skills and attributes of being a trainer and those of being a performance artist are in many cases quite close.
I few years ago Ally and I were sitting in a hotel bar with a group of colleagues discussing the trainers that we really admire and one characteristic began to emerge – all our favourite people had, at some point in their lives, dabbled in the performance arts. Ally and I are also musicians, we know people who have done amateur dramatics, been dancers, singers even a magician – the list was pretty impressive.
So there is something here about a performer and a trainer developing an innate sense of congruence when in front of other people.
And it’s not just about our sense of identity either. We also need to be congruent with the material we deliver.
I recently witnessed a fairly successful trainer delivering a train the trainer course who spent 10 minutes berating the participants about not berating their participants without any hint of recognising the irony of what they were doing.
In the case of the country singers quote about it being three separate people; it seems to me that the more we can merge each of these three identities into one complete person, the more congruent we will be.
In the case of being congruent with what we deliver my feeling is that we have to have some sense of belief in adding value for our participants and making a real difference to their world.
So here is our call to action this week:
- Spend some time this week really thinking deeply about the three people you are
- How close are they to being a congruent whole?
- If there a is a gap between them, what could you do about that?
Country & Western image by YOUneak / Shannon Frost
Collage image by kbondeson
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6 Comments
I have often thought about this myself and was, in fact, coaching a ‘rookie’ trainer last week about how she will find the trainer in herself over time. For me, though, it is more than congruence because there also needs to be an element of incongruence in order to protect the real me.
I don’t mean from sticks and stones but from the feelings transferred sometimes to the messenger when, as a trainer, we are asked to ‘deliver’ a message that the learners will not like. When training, I wear a persona that is very, very much like me but it has a hard shell that protects me and allows me to take off the persona when I go home. That way, anything that has been thrown at Jooli Atkins, the trainer during the day does not go home with the real Jooli Atkins.
Over the years I have found this a very useful cloak to wear, so my advice is beware of giving too much of yourself in the search for congruence. Always keep a bit back to take home with you.
Jooli Atkins
Hi Jooli,
What a fab comment. Thank you.
I’d never really thought about holding a little bit of me back for me so I’m going to reflect on that and see what that might mean for me.
Thanks again for your thoughts.
Paul
Without wanting to get too self-analytical… sometimes I feel like I’m more ‘me’ when working with groups of trainers and managers
There is something about being complete and a feeling of ‘this is why I exist’ that happens sometimes that illustrates congruence for me. A time when I can be totally myself and experience others responding positively to that… but perhaps that links to our hotel bar conversation and the ‘performer’ in all of us that is energised by the reaction of others.
Sadly these occasions are rare and the need to have a training persona that soaks up the negative reactions is a real necessity sometimes.
Here’s a thought…
* do you begin with this persona and take it off when it is safe?
* do you begin without it, vulnerable and have it ready to put on if you need it?
* does it matter
This reminds me of the Johari window.
I am the person I choose to be with you is related to appropriate openess and transparency it is how I choose to project and hopefully this minimises blind spots so individuals perceive me as the person I chose to be and hopefully believe I am that person. I am the person I really am is about controlling the unknown to others skeletons, baggage, or emotions that exist outside of the event.
To respond to Ally’s comment does it matter – HELL YES! Particularly when working amongst different cultures where there is a need to encourage the group to work with you, trust and openess is the key to that process.
Hi Paul,
Thanks for the Question !
When I think of congruence, I found myself reflecting with interest, on my interactions with people generally.
I find myself trying to split my reflections, my thoughts, away from the Sales Person,The sales manager, the trainer (What I do) and as I did, I was left with, what I thought were Behaviours.
My question to Myself then was, “Do I act differently when I sell, and or train,? is the underlying Me different”? So as I mentally split myself from the sales person the trainer ! I did find a different person! I found a set of behaviours, a set of values and beliefs and interestingly a set of feelings i had about things ! I found that I felt different about pieces of what I did ! I found that the more passionate I was, the more I loved what I was doing, the better I felt and at some level, I found I was closer to being me! The question then was, am I what I do? Can I BE, ME? Can I BE ME all the time ? I find that I don’t have the mental discipline to be Me all the time. I find that my flashes of brilliance, the flashes of mastery, elude me on most days !!! So I am not congruent ! congruence for me Is BEING YOUR TRUE SELF ALL THE TIME.
Thanks Paul for a perceptive blog. Like Joy, I was also reminded of the Johari Window. My conclusion is that congruence is good, but 100% congruence is bad. For example, most people are very self-critical. As trainers, yes, we need to display our vulnerability to some degree to look authentic. However, I wouldn’t recommend criticizing yourself in front of your participants as much as you believe you need criticizing. Now that would really destroy your credibility. I think a masterful trainer knows where to draw the line with congruence.
Les Allan
Author: Training Evaluation Toolkit
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RT @bftrainer: Jooli Atkins has posted a great comment http://bit.ly/aZF5pn on Pauls post about being congruent < interesting insight
RT @bftrainer new blog post on the importance of being congruent http://bit.ly/dhlKIa
Congruence – What is that about? | Brain Friendly Trainer http://ow.ly/1evh9
Congruence – What is that about? | Brain Friendly Trainer http://ow.ly/1evhi
RT @mphcoach: Congruence – What is that about? | Brain Friendly Trainer http://ow.ly/1evhi